in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
