Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
