He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
