Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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