Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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