I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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