thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
