what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
