dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
