Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
