yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
