This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
