dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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