And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
