so that wasnt chicken after all
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
