he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
