Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize