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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Best superhero ever to exist

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I came home braless and wearing a tail....

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.

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• (212): View more from New York

  Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS

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