Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
try to milk me bitch
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