Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
