i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
