I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
