dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
