You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
