If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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