do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
