We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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