Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i now understand why vodka
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
