Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
