he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
