those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize