There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
