you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
