Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize