Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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