why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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