I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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