you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
