the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
