Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
