I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
