I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize