watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i've created a new STD.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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