Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
