The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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