I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
