I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
