I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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