Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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