is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You dont lie about slip and slides
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
