halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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