Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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