I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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