Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
