I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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