thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
