sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
