...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
