Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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