i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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