I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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