Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
