one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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