I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How's work?
Spinning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
