if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We are two peas in an std pod
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
