I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
