I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
