That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
