I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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