You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize