who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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