My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
