you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I had to cum in my sink.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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