The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
